I want to draw - I have to draw!

This little blog should – in a perfect world - function as a peek into my personal little trip down the road of drawing. I can guarantee there will be plenty of road rage, steep learning curves, crying and thumb sucking involved.
If you scroll down you will see some of my begging steps (hahahaha I'll let that stand - Freudic slip - but I mean *beginning*). Since I never really did any drawing prior, I don’t have any old drawings lying around to share either - unfortunately.
My starting level was nothing, stickmen and general straight line challenged, with an newly added circle handicap – good fucking game.
But I’m determined I will learn this, whatever the cost.
- Tue

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Coloring a black and white drawing...

... is fucking hard!

I tried too color my drawing from yesterday, but I just can't color skin at fucking all.
I bought ctrlpaint.com tutorial on the subject and it's great (yes I actually buy some stuff from time to time - shut up!), but I still can't draw skin. It feels like either I start out painting with colors from the get go or let things stay in black and white.

it's out of my hands

Friday, June 8, 2012

Nothing to see here...

Just a quick scribble, no details... but entirely a product of my own fucked up brain and state of mind. I wanted to first draw a hand squishing an eyeball, but went with this instead... while drawing this I thought about drawing the other eye and have a finger covering the entire pupil, but maybe tomorrow. Also I could go further with the hand acting as eyelids..."should've would've could've"

The gif.

Long time no see (pun intended)

I’ve been away for a couple of weeks now and fml etc. [short rant warning]

I got some shitty autoimmune disease that likes to scar my cornea from time to time, the last 12 years I’ve had a big scar on my right cornea which blurs everything on the right eye, but my left eye was okay, so it didn’t affect my vision per se (the brain works in mysterious ways I’m telling you!).
Anywho a couple of weeks ago, I got a little scar on the left eye as well, it’s not as bad as the one on my right, but enough to blur my overall sight, facial details blur together after a couple of meters and I’m squinting when reading and writing, I can still do both luckily… but to put it gently - it fucking sucks.

The 1/10-12 I’m going to see a specialist team here and they will decide on whether or not I can get a cornea transplant, but what I’ve been told by my own eye doctor the chances aren’t good.

As one might imagine this shit kinda puts a damper on things, everything not only drawing.

So naturally I’ve been playing Diablo 3 and not drawing at all.
I’ve been focusing on limitations and all the shit that could happen and bla bla bla “what use is learning to draw if you will lose your sight at some point?” etc.
The way I work is very “all or nothing” everything is on a scale, like this drawing business, while I was doing that it was the only thing I was doing - literally.

So what do you do?

You apparently talk… and after that you finish a depressed drawing.

It’s a portrait of Jens Pulver which I didn’t get to finish before this shit, but managed to put the last touches on it yesterday as the first thing I’ve worked on for weeks.

I guess you could say I got a bit angry with everything, but if for nothing else that shit can be turned into fuel at least.
I didn’t want to bother with details or doing anything slow and meticulous, I just needed to draw/paint some fucking anger and frustration.

It should be Ed Harris, but I didn’t really care I just wanted to blow off some steam, I won’t be adding details or anything, it is what it is… a fucking fist in the table, fuck the rest.


The process gif's

Still very uncertain about everything, but I do remember my ol' favorite quote.

- Kurgan: I got something to say! It's better to burn out than fade away!